Ever try to write a blog with a giant cat in front of the monitor? As it turns out, I do it most of the time. I bought a 23 inch monitor just so I’d have some peeking-around room. I even have a nice little cleared off space in front of my monitor where I can urge them to lie down where they can still be close to me without being in my face. I mean it – staring at me eye-to-eye, just shouting “look at me, look at me!” with their whiskered, insistent, spoiled little faces.
There’s a conversation that goes on in the kitchen as soon as I enter my office. It goes something like this.
Marvin: I’ll give her about five minutes to get good and settled in, then I’ll head on back and do the old head-butting routine. Works every time.
Sebastian: Hey, wait a minute. You were in there last time. It’s my turn.
Marvin, hissing: Ooooohhh no it’s not! I saw that little move you did last night, sneaking around on the back of the recliner and just sidling down, ever so slowly, onto her shoulder. First one paw, then the other. All while I was having my lap time right in front of you. You ended up right on her chest with your butt in her face making her so mad she kicked us both off her lap.
Lilah: How rude!
Sebastian: Well….well….you took Lilah’s turn anyway. You weren’t even supposed to be up there.
Lilah: Huh? I get a turn? Nobody told me…ohh, look, a crumb on the floor. I’ll bet that’s left over from dinner……(wanders off sniffing the ground.)
Marvin, shaking his head: If she’s too stupid to take her turn, don’t think I’m going to waste a minute of lap time. That woman rarely ever makes a lap during the summer.
Sebastian: Let’s draw whiskers for it. Lilah come here!
Lilah: Yeeeoowwww!! That hurt! Those are MY whiskers, bucko! Oh look, is that a breadcrumb? I’m hungry. (wanders off talking to herself)
Marvin: I’m not drawing whiskers. You’re just going to cheat again. Why don’t you let me go in? I’ve got a really good head of mucous worked up now and I’m ready to snot all over her. She loves that. I can tell. Besides, I’m bigger than you. She has to lean farther out to look around me. It’s fun to watch. She so cute – you gotta love her, ya know?
Sebastian: Okay, fine. But only for ten minutes then you gotta leave and I’m going in. I left a really good hairball gift behind the monitor and I want to see her face when she finds it. Hooo-hooo-hoooo! Is she going to be thrilled!
Lilah: Hairball? Where? Did I lose one again?! Anybody want to lick right here between my ears? I haven’t gotten to that spot in a few days. Feels tickly.
And so, here I am at my giant monitor which is reduced to two four-inch monitors with a huge orange Marvin butting my face with his head and purring like a 1965 Corvair with a scoop, leaving behind slobber, something green I will not mention, and lots of orange hairs sticking to it all. Do the words ‘no, stop’ mean anything any more?
So if you notice a hair or two as you read my site, just brush it away.
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